“Search me O God, and know my thoughts. Try me and see if there be any wicked way in me.”
Psalm 139:23-24
Among the many responsibilities of parents is to seek to meet the love needs of their children, which include unconditional love, affirmation, attention, protection, discipline, comfort, and guidance. In the process of being there for these young vulnerable children, parents stand in the place of God until the children grow and mature to connect with God themselves. However, parents can only give what was given to them, and miss providing some or all of these important needs. Because of the sinful nature we all inherit and are subject to before conversion, children will respond bitterly to their parents for not meeting these needs. In other words they will sin against their parents by judging them as untrustworthy, unloving, weak, harsh or neglectful. Matthew 7:2 warns “For by the standard you judge you will be judged, and the measure you use will be the measure you receive” (NET). Their bitter judgment will be measured back to them as life experiences, which will be similar, if not identical to the judgments they have made.
Once sins become a habit, as a defense against pain, they become part of the character. For example, when we habitually judge our parents, we become judgmental in character. These sinful habits become wired into our characters, forming what we call “structures of self.” These structures are as varied as the feelings generated in the painful environment of children. They include but are not limited to the following, self-dependence, (since the adults in my life are not dependable, I will have to take care of myself!), perceiving oneself as a victim, (“Poor me! Ain’t it awful? What can I do? I am powerless and without a choice!), rage-aholism (instead of processing feelings, this person immediately becomes rageful and unreasonable), self-righteousness (“How could this person do such a thing? I would never do that!). Persons can also be controlling (of situations, others, and God, all driven by fear), self-focused, and performance oriented (performing to get love).
These structures of self, built into our characters early on in life, are useful in helping children to survive painful childhood experiences. However, as we grow into adulthood with those structures in place, they become a hindrance to the full life we desire with Christ.
What is the solution to these structures we have built into our lives? First, we have to recognize the problem. Jesus said He came to bring sight to the blind (Luke 4:18). Even as Christians, many of us have veils over our hearts and are blind (2 Corinthians 3:14-15). The veil is a metaphor for our blindness to the true condition of our hearts. The truth that in Christ the veil has been taken away must be received in our hearts. We are afraid of seeing ourselves as we are because we fear condemnation from others. We therefore condemn ourselves to spiritual blindness. Jesus wants to remove the veil and give us sight.
We need to see how we have responded sinfully to the events that have comprised our lives. Our natural human tendency is to minimize our responsibility, and choose not to see our sin. When we make the decision that we want to see ourselves as God sees us, we can begin to take responsibility for our actions. God will then begin the work of showing us the specific structures we have built in our lives as children because we did not known to trust God. Once we see nature of these structures, we can pray , giving God permission to tear them down, and commit to trusting God for his protection. It may be scary to anticipate living without these structures, but God has been waiting to demonstrate that he is more than able to care for us.
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